


Delusions

by hadfoot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, draco has ptsd and nightmares thanks to lord no-nose, post war angstyness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 23:10:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15896046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hadfoot/pseuds/hadfoot





	Delusions

_This was it. It was all over. The Dark Lord had won, and Harry Potter lay dead in Hagrid’s arms._

_The war had gone exactly as the Malfoy’s had planned, but not how Draco had planned. He never wanted Voldemort to win, no, not really. He never wanted the Dark Mark, forever etched into the skin of his forearm, or the heavy-weight of horrid and violent tasks upon his shoulders. He had only wanted his parents, and most of all, you, safe._

_With this outcome, Draco figured that he wasn’t going to get his wish._

_He stood among his classmates, eyes cold and muscles taught. He was on edge, awaiting to see what would happen next. Without moving too much, he began to scan the crowd, looking for you._

_He instantly felt some of the tension leave his shoulders when he found you standing alongside Longbottom, although he loathed the fact that you were at the very front of the crowd. His eyes stayed trained on you, fixed on your every movement._

_He had completely missed every word uttered from the Dark Lord’s mouth. It wasn’t until he heard his father call his name that he hesitantly tore his eyes away from you._

_“Oh, Draco…” Lucius mumbled, arm outstretched, beckoning to his son.  
_

_Draco stood his ground, jaw set with determination. He refused to leave your side. He was done fighting for the wrong side, done carrying out-_

_“Draco.”  
_

_He felt as if his heart had stopped beating in his chest. He swallowed hard, meeting a pair of blue eyes, his own eyes, from across the courtyard. Narcissa, his mother, was summoning him, and he could not refuse his mother._

_“Come.”  
_

_Draco swallowed thickly and looked away from his mother. He stood there for only a moment, gathering every ounce of courage he could muster, before beginning to walk towards the other side. He, however, didn’t get very far before there was a third voice calling to him._

_He turned instantly as his name left your lips. You stared at him, tears in your eyes, and he needed no more convincing. The look on your face was enough for him to stride over to where you were standing. He took your hand in his, and his eyes shown with nothing but sincerity as he spoke._

_“I’m so sorry, darling.”  
_

_You could only nod, not trusting your voice in that moment. Draco gently placed his hand on the small of your back, and he began to guide you through the crowd, wanting to get you as far away from the frontlines as possible. He never once looked back towards his parents, although, he wished he had._

_Because if he had turned around, he would have seen the fury on Voldemort’s face._

_He would have seen the dark wizard raise his wand, and he would have seen the beginnings of a curse form on his lips._

_He heard the two fatal words before he saw the streak of green bolt towards you, but if he had looked back, just once, he would have had time to push you out of the way._

_But he didn’t look back. Not once._

_And because of yet another mistake, you lay at his feet, eyes open, but unseeing._

* * *

 

Draco was paralyzed — absolutely frozen in complete fear. His eyes were wide open, sweat trickling down his neck and torso, his chest heaving. Gray sheets a tangled mess around his legs, and the duvet was completely thrown off the bed.

It was only a dream, just a stupid nightmare playing off of twisted memories.

It had been two years since the war. Two years since Harry defeated Voldemort at the Battle of Hogwarts. Two years since he had seen his parents. Two years since he had saved you.

It had just been one cursed, wretched nightmare. 

Draco finally allowed a sigh of relief to escape him. He must have laid there for five minutes, gasping for air, before he finally reached his hand out to the other side of the bed, ready for the comforting feel of you in his arms. 

Except, you weren’t there. 

His bed was empty, and his sheets were cold. 

Draco bolted upright, his eyes snapping to where your body should have been.

There was no sign of you.

Draco felt like he was going to be sick. 

The young man thrashed around, trying to quickly untangle himself from the sheets. His frantic movements caused him to fall to the floor with a loud thud, but he didn’t feel any pain. He scrambled to his feet, darting towards the bathroom, and lunging towards the toilet where he proceeded to spill the contents of his stomach. 

Heavy sobs wracked his body as tears streamed down his face. He leaned his forehead against the toilet, letting his despair swallow him whole.

It wasn’t just a nightmare, no. His subconscious had not twisted a memory, but it had reproduced one. You were gone. He had lost you. He had failed to protect you, and-

“Draco?” a familiar and soft voice rang out, barely above a whisper.

Draco violently shook his head, his hands flying upwards to clasp over his ears. “No! No, stop it!”

His mind was playing tricks on him. His guilt had manifested into the delusion of your voice, and he was going mad. You weren’t there, you weren’t there, you weren’t-

Hands that he knew all too well gripped at Draco’s wrists, and he didn’t have the strength to fight them. He kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut, knowing that if he opened them, the feeling of your hands would disappear. 

“Draco, love, what is _wrong_? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“Stop it! You’re not real!” he cried, body still shaking with the force of his sobs. “You’re not real!”

“Of course I’m real, sweet Merlin, Draco. Come on, look at me. I need you to look at me.”

Draco shook his head once more, and he was just about to speak again when he was silenced by a pair of lips on his own.

He couldn’t kiss back, afraid that you would vanish if he moved. Though, he did chance a quick peak.

You were there, in front of him, kissing him with your eyes closed and fresh tears staining your cheeks. You were there.

Draco felt himself launch his arms around you before he had a moment to think about anything else. He pulled you into his chest, grasping at your shirt, _his_ shirt, as if his life depended on it, like if he were to let go, he would float away into oblivion. 

“Dray, _what_ has gotten into you? You haven’t been this upset in a long time.”

“N-Nightmare. You weren’t there. You weren’t in bed and Voldemort — he, he killed you and it was my fault, it was all my fault.”

_My fault._

You knew Draco wasn’t only talking about his nightmare. 

Your heart shattered for the broken boy in front of you. You wrapped your arms around him, as tightly as you could, and threaded your finger into the back of his hair as you gently swayed him back and forth.

“Oh Draco, it was never your fault. He was trying to punish you for choosing the right side. He _had_ been punishing you for your father’s actions.”

“But what if the curse had hit you?” he cried. “What if I hadn’t pushed you out of the way in time?”

“It still wouldn’t have been your fault.”

“Y/N, he never would have tried to kill you if I had just gone with my parents.”

“And we wouldn’t be here together right now either, Dray.”

He stayed silent at your words. The tears had slowly begun to stop, and he was no longer shaking as bad, but he refused to loosen his hold on you.

“You did the right thing, and I love you more than I could ever put into words, Draco Malfoy. You saved me, in more ways than one.”

Draco felt a layer of sadness lift with your words. He sniffled, laying his forehead against yours as he took a rather shaky breath. 

“No. You saved _me_.”


End file.
